Contentment Day 1

Yesterday night I admitted to God through my tears that I don't understand how to have contentment and how I get it.  My dear friend A pointed out that I only suppress my desires but it's there.

If I:
-get impatient with my situation and where I am at,
-think I am created to have a different job, to do something else,
-wish I had more time in my day to get everything done,
-wish to be married,
-wish for a change of scenery,
-wish to get on with my life,
-think how long I must wait for my boyfriend to find a salaried job working in his field of interest (he is temporarily working hourly in construction)
-get impatient wanting to see my boyfriend's job situation line up with his area of study,

then I am discontent.

Most simply speaking, if I wish for anything that isn't what I am currently living today, I have not contentment.  I had denied the extent of my discontentment because I did such a good job not thinking about my desires.  I told myself contentment is for people who want to buy a bunch of things and want a big house or a job that pays a lot of money.  I kept it to materialism and dismissed that I needed any help being content. Oh, but contentment extends so much further.  I can lack contentment even while wishing for something good. 

I believe that I can only have contentment by allowing the Holy Spirit to fill me with it by spending time in God's word.  How do I spend time with God? Reading my bible and meditating on his wisdom.  It's that simple.  I don't need to plan how to tackle the million things to do in a day.  I don't need to wonder if I'm doing the right things or if I am spinning my wheels.  I am supposed to love the relationship with God.  I am supposed to be in love with his presence, and nothing else is supposed to matter more.  That's the only part of my responsibility, and if I am obedient in this, God will change my heart each day and equip me to handle only that day.  I don't have to plan, I don't have to ponder, I only need to be still in his presence.  Then God will make everything else fall in to place.  I will do His will effortlessly without trying so hard by my own might.

This morning, I slept in til past 11.  I just kept on laying in my bed even after I gained consciousness.  I didn't care if I had a million I'd like to do.  I wanted to get the rest.  I awoke and studied his Word some more after last night. After spending quality time with God, I ended up cooking, grocery shopping, prepared 6 nights of taco meat, 2 nights of fajita meat, froze all the meals in individual bags, made fruit salad, cleaned the house, organized my shelves and all the papers, washed all the dishes, cleared off the dining table, ordered pea gravel for the patio to be delivered on Monday, cooked and ate dinner with B, walked 2 miles with my next door neighbor, met a new neighbor, made a flower arrangement, took a shower, had more Bible time, blogged, all before 10 pm.  Without the kind of stress that accompanies a usual day like that.  When I spend quality time with Jesus, He sets my desires and my heart to do the things he wills me to do.  When I try to do things on my own, I become a stressed out, pout-y disaster.   I have to tell God I am surrendering my day to him.

So how do I change my heart so that I won't be impatiently counting the days that I spend waiting on God?  By not doing anything about it.  By putting my mind on Christ and enjoying the relationship.  By living in the moment and nothing past today.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.  Matthew 6:34

1. Read my Bible, spend time with God
2. He will lead my heart, mind, and actions for the day, and everything else will fall into place.

It seems so counter intuitive.  There's so much to do, yet you let everything go and just enjoy the moment with God?  Funny how everything God teaches is so simple. 

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

And our desire should be God.  So simple.  And when He calls, I will say "yes."

Made this for my friend that I am seeing tomorrow to celebrate her birthday.

I'll have to plant some of these next spring!

A Good Leader

A good leader never blames problems on someone else, but takes full responsibility for the tasks he has agreed to take on.  A good leader is quick to compliment and encourage others and is slow to compliment himself.

Seeing the Positives of Today

There are things about today that really aggravated me, but instead of dwelling on those things, I decided to think about what I did do today, and amazingly I found a few positives:

The positives:
+I created several colored flow charts to explain the flow of structured notes from different accounts
+Got close to finalizing a bunch of exhibits or diagrams that could be used in arbitration
+Had 8 hours of billable work constantly working away
+Found some free CPE webinars that I can do tomorrow
+Ran on the elliptical for 20 minutes and burned 200 calories, hey, 20 minutes is at least something
+Didn't drink soda for two days in a row
+Ate the last of the slow cooker pot roast I made and froze into four meals
+Listened to Taylor Swift - Begin Again on replay
+Resisted my 5 chocolate bars in my work desk
+Used a buy one get one free for the Big Macs and a free Monopoly sticker for the medium fries
+Downloaded a bunch of free Kindle for PC books
+May have finally gotten an idea for what I want to do as my next job
+Haven't gone on Facebook since Saturday, despite getting emails of notifications
+Crossed two things off my running to-do list in my Google Task List

The negatives:
-Ate two Big Macs and a medium fry for dinner
-Wasn't content with my blessings today.  I shouldn't be getting frustrated at my job or my bosses if this is where God wants me to be right now.
-Didn't cook a dinner
-Didn't pay a lot of attention to the neighbor children today even though they all greeted me.  I usually talk to them a lot, but today I was so mad about work that I just went home and said, "hi." and went inside.  They also asked me where I was leaving later and I told them "McDonalds," to which one boy said, "The usual for me."
-Didn't read any free Kindle for PC books I have been amassing
-Didn't work on the patio

And that's a typical Wednesday.  Now I am blogging and will read my Bible soon and go to bed.  This is me attempting to really cut down all the things I do.  I want to have a lot of "veg" time at night on weeknights.  Weekends I want to make time for freezer cooking and crock pot cooking/meal planning, and cleaning my house.

Haircut

I chopped off my hair this weekend.  It was kind of an accident- I said "shoulder length" when asked if I was really sure I only wanted to cut 2 inches off.  At the end, when given the mirror, I was kind of shocked at how short "shoulder length" actually looks like.  It's not so bad now, and I'm not sure if I just got used to it, or if it just looks better since it isn't as poofy now.

After my haircut, I went to see my sister and had lunch at Chipotle.  I saw her new apartment/studio and her air mattress on the floor.  The bathroom is a shared one by the whole complex.  I also lost one flip-flop and had to go home with only one on.  When I borrowed my sister's boots, I must have dropped a shoe while walking with them in my hands.

I also got to go see the Tigers play this weekend with my bf and his family.  It was cold, and I didn't talk to anybody, because I wasn't sure if people who love baseball want you to shut up while they are trying to watch a game. 

Delicious Chocolate Chip Cookies & Potato Soup

I made a ton of chocolate chip cookies the other night and then froze a bunch in the freezer in zip blog bags, so that I can take a chocolate chip cookie to work every day for a week or two.  The idea came to me when I was at the store and grabbed a box of Famous Amos Cookies (a 30 pack) and thought I wanted some for my lunches.  It costs $10 though, and I thought about how I already have all the ingredients at home including fresh brown eggs from the hens, so I figured a creative way to save money is to put back the box of cookies and make my own.  I can freeze them so that I make it last just like a box of 30 packs of cookies!  I'll keep making some more batches until I have a lot frozen!  I'm amazed how well cookies keep in the freezer.  It doesn't change the taste or texture.  Even though it's not a healthy thing to eat, I figure if I make my own practically free cookies available, it sure beats spending $2 on one cookie as an impulse buy at the snack shop at work, and still beats buying a package of cookies at the grocery store too!  I'm getting really serious about making sure I don't spend like Congress and the Government does.  It requires more arm grease and prior planning/thinking, but it feels great.

I also made some potato soup last night as something I can eat throughout the week.  Now I have to think of a couple more things to make tonight so I have food for the week.

the boiling

the cream

the finish

Goodbye, Hens

I said goodbye to my two hens on Saturday morning, to someone from Craigslist with 10 acres.  It was sad, and I still move about my day with the assumption that they're in the back yard.  I sold my hens, the coop, and all of their supplies because I want to streamline all the different things I do, so I can focus on what God may want me to do.  I think that I do too much, and I need to start having concentrated focus.  That led me to create a Do Not Do list.  I thought about all the things I have going on and what I can deliberately get rid of doing.

The lady gave me $5 more than I asked, and I thought that was super kind of her.  I raised $120 from selling my chickens and the materials, and I am putting that toward my Goal of raising $900 to buy CFE study materials. $780 to go!  I also am in the midst of opening up my Etsy shop in order to get to the finish line for my goal.

Things I will miss:
-Two fresh brown eggs a day
-Not having to buy eggs at the store
-The hens following us around, the stupid little things they would do
-The craze that came upon them when I came outside with a bag of their Happy Hen Treats
-Them

Things I won't miss:
-Feeding them in the morning before work in nice clothes
-The extra stop to my car to put my stuff away before feeding them
-The extra stop into the house to drop off the eggs they laid
-Hosing down the coop and bleaching it every week/two weeks/three weeks depending on when I had time
-The weird squawking noises they would make in the morning when laying an egg or perhaps fending off squirrels (not sure what caused these noises a few minutes before when I am supposed to get up)
-Hiding from them when pulling up to the house, because as soon as they saw me they would start squawking.

My Do Not Do List

My Do-Not-Do List is my attempt to focus what I am doing in my life.  I do too much, and they all seem to be all over the map.  I tried to think of things I do and try to knock some things off my plate deliberately.  I just recently sold my egg laying hens, coop, supplies for $120 which gets rid of any coop cleaning/bleaching time, morning and evening feeding, and any distracting times I have spent watching them play.  With the Fall/Winter coming, I have tapered off tending my vegetables.  I currently only have peas, and so watering for 10-15 minutes before going to work is probably not going to be necessary soon.  I will intentionally not plant any fall crops.

 The Do Not Do List:

Buy study materials for the Certified Fraud Examiner exam
Raise $900 for CFE materials
Vegetable Gardening
Backyard Chickens
Build up Inventory on my Etsy Shop - Part of the Attempt to Raise $900
Photography Business & fulfilling client orders
Concentrating on my full time day job
Buy study materials for the Certified Fraud Examiner exam
Study for the CFE
Take CFE
Read and study the Bible even more
Ongoing House Renovations - a whole separate to-do list here!
Violin lessons
Becoming Efficient at Cooking/Meal Planning/Crock Pot Recipes
Building Flagstone Patio in Backyard Before Winter
Read all my Kindle for PC books that I have been accumulating

I'm not sure which other things I can cross off my list.  If I had to pick one, it would be violin lessons.

Impossibilities

Impossibilities always have a weak spot -Lysa TerKeurst 

When opportunities seem to close, you don't have to completely give up.  Just look for the weak spot and attack it.  Can't see past the pile of laundry and to-dos? Find the weak spot.  Can't perform at Carnegie? Perform for a neighbor.  Can't cook? I bet there's something you can cook.  Can't pay off all your debt? I bet you have a dollar.

Secret is out of the bag today!

Today, I dropped off a 2002 PT Cruiser at B's house.

I don't want to think about how much the car ended up being after the fixes.  I know I'm at around market value, but I actually had a set fixed price that I wasn't going to go over.  I have a tendency to buy things and outstretch myself, so I said that if it's not for X price I don't want to buy it.  Well, that didn't happen after all the mechanical fixes.  I will have to make sure I cut corners and not spend any money these next few months.

I'm so thankful and excited to bless Ben.  This must be just a fraction of what God feels like. I have a hard time with guilt and sometimes I think I can't have anything good.  But my friend tries to remind me all the time that God wants to bless us.  It's just a little more complicated when we live in a broken world.

If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! Matthew 7:11

To me, I feel like I am loving someone when I can sacrifice my needs and wants in order to make someone else feel like their needs and wants are met.  When it hurts a little in the wallet, it feels like a success.  I end up in situations like right now, not having a washer and dryer for the past 9 months because I gave the ones that came with the house away to people who needed them.  When I was debating buying the car, I thought it was funny that I was willing to jump on a car that would cost more than buying myself a washer and dryer.  If I had the money, why didn't I get the stuff yet?  I also knew getting the car was going to help his whole family, because his 16 year old sister is going to want to drive soon, and they would have to get another vehicle or she would not get to drive one.  I figured this will help not just my boyfriend, but his 16 year old sister, his parents, and my coworker.  It's a win-win situation all around.

I kind of made my upcoming situation a little harder, since I had some things for my photography business I had to get soon, but I like the idea of challenges, and I also really enjoy blessing people and making sure they feel God's love.  I'm so deeply joyful about this, and I thank God for the opportunity.  I'm totally going to sleep with a perma-smile on my face tonight.  This is why I worked my butt off in high school in college, because I hated being the receiver and the wanter. I hated feeling trapped, I hated feeling like I was restricted to being a different person than I am.  Maybe I have a complex that I have to have God heal, like I'm so desperate to make others not feel the way I felt...it may not be a good motive.  But for now, I'm going to enjoy the bliss.

My boyfriend is so patient and selfless. I don't like to say people "deserve" material things, but I am so hopeful for him to be blessed or catch a break in life.  He struggles, but he waits patiently on God with such a positive attitude, that most people probably have no idea that he even struggles, or that he's been waiting forever on God.  To be able to do something outlandish for him is so exciting.  When I told him about the car, I put a picture of the PT in an envelope and wrote his name on the outside.  When he opened it up, he laughed because he thought I gave him a picture of a car.  When I told him I bought it for him, he was in disbelief.  He had the biggest smile on his face.  Then, after he tried to get it to sink in, he kept staring at the envelope with his name on it and was speechless.  I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I'm so glad he gets to drive a reliable car (at least for the time being, who knows what will happen later).  I know that if he had the money he would buy me one in a heart beat.  He is the kindest guy out there, and I don't use superlatives much.  I wish that I could clone his heart and give it out to my friends to put into their men.  :)

Labor Day Weekend

I planted my fall bulbs today.  I bought these beauties:

Hyacinths

Ranunculus

Allium

Muscari

Yellow tulips

I had a hard time figuring out where to plant things since I don't have my backyard set up yet.
We are getting flagstone from someone on craigslist for $160 ish (1 ton) to make the patio.  Then I want to make a curved sod path that goes from the fence to the shed area.  I also have a circle in the middle of the yard to surround in bricks or stones and I plan on putting a statue or bird feeder in the circle with some annuals around it.  I currently am planting peas in that circle.  I don't have stones around the circle yet, but we dug a circumference with a shovel.

We also did the English garden corner gate on the edge of our drive way today.  I put it around the rose bush and some perennials that are behind it.  I decided to put some of the hyacinths there and two symmetrical bunches of the Ranunculus bulbs.

Under my Yellow Bird Magnolia Tree, I planted the yellow tulips, with the blue muscari in between each of the tulip bulbs.  Let's hope the squirrels don't dig up my bulbs.  I should put out tons of squirrel feed like peanuts and popcorn or other seeds all winter.

It's so relaxing to play in the garden.  I was in the Upper Peninsula this weekend at my boyfriend's family's cottage.  It was fun fishing and kayaking, but after Amy, Melissa, and I landed on a little island and picked wild flowers, I started to miss home.  Specifically I really missed the garden and I kayaked back alone and told B that I wanted to make it back in time to garden.

Here are some nice pictures from the weekend.  We lit up paper lanterns and sent them up into the sky.  No pictures of fishing and kayaking for obvious H2O reasons!  I got to see Amy, whom I haven't seen in a while!  Next time it will be Thanksgiving! It's crazy how a year has gone by so fast.

 

Thank you for a wonderful time!!! What a great way to end the summer.