heart's {wyss}per: Contentment Day 1

Yesterday night I admitted to God through my tears that I don't understand how to have contentment and how I get it. My dear friend A pointed out that I only suppress my desires but it's there.

If I:
-get impatient with my situation and where I am at,
-think I am created to have a different job, to do something else,
-wish I had more time in my day to get everything done,
-wish to be married,
-wish for a change of scenery,
-wish to get on with my life,
-think how long I must wait for my boyfriend to find a salaried job working in his field of interest (he is temporarily working hourly in construction)
-get impatient wanting to see my boyfriend's job situation line up with his area of study,

then I am discontent.

Most simply speaking, if I wish for anything that isn't what I am currently living today, I have not contentment. I had denied the extent of my discontentment because I did such a good job not thinking about my desires. I told myself contentment is for people who want to buy a bunch of things and want a big house or a job that pays a lot of money. I kept it to materialism and dismissed that I needed any help being content. Oh, but contentment extends so much further. I can lack contentment even while wishing for something good.

I believe that I can only have contentment by allowing the Holy Spirit to fill me with it by spending time in God's word. How do I spend time with God? Reading my bible and meditating on his wisdom. It's that simple. I don't need to plan how to tackle the million things to do in a day. I don't need to wonder if I'm doing the right things or if I am spinning my wheels. I am supposed to love the relationship with God. I am supposed to be in love with his presence, and nothing else is supposed to matter more. That's the only part of my responsibility, and if I am obedient in this, God will change my heart each day and equip me to handle only that day. I don't have to plan, I don't have to ponder, I only need to be still in his presence. Then God will make everything else fall in to place. I will do His will effortlessly without trying so hard by my own might.

This morning, I slept in til past 11. I just kept on laying in my bed even after I gained consciousness. I didn't care if I had a million I'd like to do. I wanted to get the rest. I awoke and studied his Word some more after last night. After spending quality time with God, I ended up cooking, grocery shopping, prepared 6 nights of taco meat, 2 nights of fajita meat, froze all the meals in individual bags, made fruit salad, cleaned the house, organized my shelves and all the papers, washed all the dishes, cleared off the dining table, ordered pea gravel for the patio to be delivered on Monday, cooked and ate dinner with B, walked 2 miles with my next door neighbor, met a new neighbor, made a flower arrangement, took a shower, had more Bible time, blogged, all before 10 pm. Without the kind of stress that accompanies a usual day like that. When I spend quality time with Jesus, He sets my desires and my heart to do the things he wills me to do. When I try to do things on my own, I become a stressed out, pout-y disaster. I have to tell God I am surrendering my day to him.

So how do I change my heart so that I won't be impatiently counting the days that I spend waiting on God? By not doing anything about it. By putting my mind on Christ and enjoying the relationship. By living in the moment and nothing past today. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

1. Read my Bible, spend time with God
2. He will lead my heart, mind, and actions for the day, and everything else will fall into place.

It seems so counter intuitive. There's so much to do, yet you let everything go and just enjoy the moment with God? Funny how everything God teaches is so simple.